Head is getting clearer...

I've been spending a lot of time playing basketball and getting my mind correct.. When your down for a while you need to do these things.. Anyway I'm feeling good and tired lol. I've been spending a lot of te hanging out with Ms. E & she really makes things a little easier recovering. Well I'm going to study for chemistry now ( worst class ever). Thank you everyone for being there & reading my posts. It helps me & hopefully it helps you also.. God Bless & stay well! :)

Sorry, Sorry, SORRY! :)

I know I've been missing & it's completely my fault.. Im not good at keeping up with things.. Well the meds have been working & I've been exercising.. I enjoy playing basketball again.. My suicidal though have lowered & I'm actually doing my work. My second mom has been so supportive! I hang out in her class morethan I do at home lol. She actually bought my breakfast yesterday which really had a great impact on My day. She's so amazing :). My mom really doesn't like me taking the meds but its my only option.. Things are looking up & I'm proud to say I'm starting to feel "alive" again.. How have you been? Oh & I promise I'll keep better care of my blog from now on :)

2nd Day on Zoloft

So I had "bathroom issues" this morning. my stomach hurts,  I see that i clench my jaw a lot.. I have bad insomnia and got about 4 hours of sleep.. Hopefully I can get something for that. Other than that and headaches nothing really bothersome.. I haven't noticed any feelings or symptoms getting better. Only the second day though!! :)

Spoken

I was in church today.. The Pastor was speaking on Genesis and "First Things First". He believed Abram's (known as Abraham) father was actually suppose to be the Father of many nations and God was calling him to go to Canaan. So Abrahams father Terah packed up his sons, grandsons and daughter in law and set off.. 

         Now Terah and the family stopped in a place I believe he named in Haran after his dead son.. Terah has 3 sons and the first born died and his name was Haran.. Terah never left Haran and finished his journey.. He never got over his sons death or came to better terms with it so he stayed in the city of his pain and suffering. I think he ignored God's call on his life because he "couldn't" go forward any longer.

    Terah left to go to a land of promise but somehow lost his motivation throughout the move and fell into depression. He made Haran his grieving spot and there he died himself.. never ever making it to the land of promise because there was no hope, no motivation and he just laid in his tears.

  I don't usually examine or rethink sermons but it was just something about this one that I needed to think through.. the moral of this story doesn't even have to be from a spiritual viewpoint.

 Grief (and depression in general) are significant motivation killers. They kill our dreams and ultimately rob us of our lives. When we choose to settle in the place of our loss, depression, sadness or grief, we die there. How about we don't die there.. How about we get the help we need? It may seem so hard now.. but you can make it. 

I have 2 questions..

1) Are you in a Haran? 

2) If you are what can you do about it?

1st Day.. :(

No changes as expected.. My head is killing me & my stomach hurts.. I'm on my way to recovery though. :) How are you though?

Guess What!

Finally went to the doctor today... Started me on 50 mg of Zoloft.. I will be posting everyday on how I'm feeling & what the medicine is doing. Thanks for the support everyone.. I know it may be hard to get help for depression but if you had a heart problem would you take meds for that? So why not take them for a mental illness? Think about that.

Breaking Down

Hey! New Semester.. I have two gyms (I absolutely love gym) chemistry and history.. I know I hardly made it out of last semester so I have no idea how to handle this one. Friday I go to the doctor to see what antidepressants he prescribes for me! I've heard good things about Prozac & Zoloft. Anyway my teachers are pretty cool. My first period teacher is kinda loud and I'm not a much of a morning person so that might be a problem.. lol joking. My other teachers are cool too. I feel like I will enjoy this semester when I get on my meds. I have no idea how long recovery will take though and when I will start to actually fully feel better. 

       Honestly it will help to feel better but I just need my memory, concentration, energy and motivation back so my grades can stop suffering. Being fully happy can wait because my future depends more on school than my feelings right now. I have no idea if I should tell my teachers what I'm going through. I always told them at the end of the semester if I felt they needed an explanation.. but like I said I have no idea how I'm going to make it through the semester. 

    In other news I haven't seen Ms. E (second mom) yet..I'm breaking down and all the stress is getting to me already and it's only going to be the third day.. I feel like I should go see her tomorrow because I don't want her to think I'm upset with her. 

   Oh one more thing.. MEMORY LOSS SUCKS... that is one of the worse symptoms. I could be talking to someone and my mind just goes blank or my mom could tell me something and in the net 2 minutes I couldn't remember a word. Especially in class at the end of the class period I probably have no recollection on what we just did. My words get mixed up a lot and I'm starting to stutter out of the blue. I'm stressed to the max lol.