Spoken

I was in church today.. The Pastor was speaking on Genesis and "First Things First". He believed Abram's (known as Abraham) father was actually suppose to be the Father of many nations and God was calling him to go to Canaan. So Abrahams father Terah packed up his sons, grandsons and daughter in law and set off.. 

         Now Terah and the family stopped in a place I believe he named in Haran after his dead son.. Terah has 3 sons and the first born died and his name was Haran.. Terah never left Haran and finished his journey.. He never got over his sons death or came to better terms with it so he stayed in the city of his pain and suffering. I think he ignored God's call on his life because he "couldn't" go forward any longer.

    Terah left to go to a land of promise but somehow lost his motivation throughout the move and fell into depression. He made Haran his grieving spot and there he died himself.. never ever making it to the land of promise because there was no hope, no motivation and he just laid in his tears.

  I don't usually examine or rethink sermons but it was just something about this one that I needed to think through.. the moral of this story doesn't even have to be from a spiritual viewpoint.

 Grief (and depression in general) are significant motivation killers. They kill our dreams and ultimately rob us of our lives. When we choose to settle in the place of our loss, depression, sadness or grief, we die there. How about we don't die there.. How about we get the help we need? It may seem so hard now.. but you can make it. 

I have 2 questions..

1) Are you in a Haran? 

2) If you are what can you do about it?

Why am I depressed..?

I don't really have a complete answer to that question.. When I was 14 I came across papers that said I was adopted.. & that really messed me up.. My parents weren't fit to raise me.. They were addicted and doing all types of drugs and I was actually born addicted to crack and deaf(not deaf anymore started to hear around 2). I do think my depression is biological since drugs are depressants and I think learning that I was adopted triggered it.. 

     I've moved past the adoption part.. I understand I was blessed because I could be anywhere else right now but I'm in a economically sound family, in a nice house, on a computer, physically and mentally well.. except for the depression lol.. but my life could be so much worse than it is.. I do understand that.. but the depression is still here and that's what I don't understand. I probably  inherited a vulnerability to depression from one of my "parents", that my  brain may have reacted to a stressful event(finding out I'm adopted) in a way that caused me to get depressed. I read that in adopted children I have three times the risk of having depression.. so that might explain a lot. 
    Hopefully soon I'll be on antidepressants and things will go back to the way they were and I can be called a survivor.. But for now I'm just making it one day at a time.
This post deserved a picture...

 Even though the light at the end of the tunnel may not be visible.. it's there, just hold on. We can walk there together.