Why am I depressed..?

I don't really have a complete answer to that question.. When I was 14 I came across papers that said I was adopted.. & that really messed me up.. My parents weren't fit to raise me.. They were addicted and doing all types of drugs and I was actually born addicted to crack and deaf(not deaf anymore started to hear around 2). I do think my depression is biological since drugs are depressants and I think learning that I was adopted triggered it.. 

     I've moved past the adoption part.. I understand I was blessed because I could be anywhere else right now but I'm in a economically sound family, in a nice house, on a computer, physically and mentally well.. except for the depression lol.. but my life could be so much worse than it is.. I do understand that.. but the depression is still here and that's what I don't understand. I probably  inherited a vulnerability to depression from one of my "parents", that my  brain may have reacted to a stressful event(finding out I'm adopted) in a way that caused me to get depressed. I read that in adopted children I have three times the risk of having depression.. so that might explain a lot. 
    Hopefully soon I'll be on antidepressants and things will go back to the way they were and I can be called a survivor.. But for now I'm just making it one day at a time.
This post deserved a picture...

 Even though the light at the end of the tunnel may not be visible.. it's there, just hold on. We can walk there together.

Every Teardrop is a Waterfall..

"Depression deflects the blame onto the sufferer. In fact, depression turns you into the number one enemy of yourself" Now isn't that nasty.. - That right there was a sentence from the book Is it Weird in Here of is is just Me? That book I read and it gave me so much hope at that moment.. He talked about himself and how he was before, when the depression hit, during it, his hospitalization, and his recovery. He showed that things might have been bad then but sometimes you really do have to go through hell to get to heaven.
I guess I'm writing this because I'm trying to find hope in myself. I honestly do hate myself. I hate myself for not being able to fight this depression off. For not being able to go to school and get the grades I used to get... for laying in bed all day trying to breath.. for wanting to die. Sometimes I don't believe my depression is an illness, I believe it is a sign of weakness inside myself.. but I guess that's the depression talking huh?. Bright side is I have a appointment with someone that can give me antidepressants on January 13th. I'm praying these work because I don't have patience to hop to medicine to medicine. I need to get better so I can get back in shape for basketball next year, so my grades can go back up, so I can gain my relationships back and, so i can enjoy life like a real person should be able to.
What are your goals for this year?