"Depression deflects the blame onto the sufferer. In fact, depression turns you into the number one enemy of yourself" Now isn't that nasty.. - That right there was a sentence from the book Is it Weird in Here of is is just Me? That book I read and it gave me so much hope at that moment.. He talked about himself and how he was before, when the depression hit, during it, his hospitalization, and his recovery. He showed that things might have been bad then but sometimes you really do have to go through hell to get to heaven.
I guess I'm writing this because I'm trying to find hope in myself. I honestly do hate myself. I hate myself for not being able to fight this depression off. For not being able to go to school and get the grades I used to get... for laying in bed all day trying to breath.. for wanting to die. Sometimes I don't believe my depression is an illness, I believe it is a sign of weakness inside myself.. but I guess that's the depression talking huh?. Bright side is I have a appointment with someone that can give me antidepressants on January 13th. I'm praying these work because I don't have patience to hop to medicine to medicine. I need to get better so I can get back in shape for basketball next year, so my grades can go back up, so I can gain my relationships back and, so i can enjoy life like a real person should be able to.
What are your goals for this year?
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http://youtu.be/pAE12hdQ9ok
Sometimes you have to try several different meds to find the one that works for you and sometimes you find the one the very first time that will work for you for a long time. Just get to the doctor and start looking because it will make a big difference. It is not you. It is the depression and it is an illness/disorder that you can't control yourself no matter what people say. Make sure you get exercise (no matter how bad you feel-at least go outside) exercise unleashes endorphines the natural morphines that makes you feel better. So try it. It does help. Go for a walk by yourself if you don't want to be around anyone else just yet. walk on the treadmill if you have one. think positive thoughts. read my blog on negative thoughts: it talks about positive thinking. expressionsofdepression.com . good luck. I hope you feel better soon. Jo
ReplyDeleteHopefully my first one will be the one. :) Thank you for the advice and I will check out your blog :)
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