Off I Go..

 I believe the worst people with depression are the ones that don't have a real reason why they are depressed.. At least the people with depression that know why they are depressed can talk about it in therapy and come to conclusions on what to do and how to cope.. When you don't know why you are depressed the frustration could be higher especially when you "just can't get over it" and you don't know how to either..

 I'll take you through a typical day for me.. 

I wake up fully after probably pressing snooze on my alarm 5 times. I feel like crap and I just want to put the covers back over my head. I question why I'm going through life again and the pain will just be the same. I hurry up and get dressed. Jeans, sneakers, t-shirt. I never get dressed up.. too much work.. I head to the bus stop. When I get to school I usually go see my second mom Ms. E.. just to talk, say good morning and get mentally prepared for what the day holds. Then I usually see Coach B while he's doing morning duty.

 Good Morning he usually says to me and gives me a hug.. Honestly that hug every morning is what I look forward to.. some mornings I just want to cry in his arms if its a really bad morning.. 

My classes sucked.. glad next week is the start of the new semester lol. I had Graphing & Design. such an easy class but I was probably failing for half of the semester. That teacher emailed my basketball coach so many times and had talks with me I lost track. My motivation was so low and my energy I could hardly get anything done in that class.. I'm glad I ended up passing & I'm glad he didn't give up on me.. Next I had Math. First off I hate math with a huge passion but when I was "well" I was pretty good at it.. My memory has worsened so I could hardly remember anything when I did stay awake to learn in that class. I ended up passing that class with a 70. The teacher passed me because I went into that final with a 56 in that class.. Someone was on my side.. Then I had American Lit which I love to write but I never did assignments lol. I was probably sleep in that class about 3 times a week and I never studied so my tests grades were pretty low.. My last class was weight training which I loved especially because I loved the teacher. Especially since he was my bball coach also. Exercise made me feel better but it was good because I HAD to do it. If its my choice to exercise I would stay in the bed.. I had a 97 in that class. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's very hard dealing with the side effects of depression and school at the same time.. Especially when teachers don't see that something is wrong with you. You don't get extensions on work and not using depression as an excuse but it was hard for me to keep up. I wanted to drop out.. but that's another story for another time..

At the same time school kept me from isolating myself.. It keeps me sane.. 

just like this blog does..

My posts are tooooooo long! Lol. I'll start shortening them.